i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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