oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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