i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
