I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
