This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
