i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
