I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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