Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I pour the whiskey from now on
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
