and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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