I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
