the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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