My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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