I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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