I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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