JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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