I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
