I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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