Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
