Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My feet surprised me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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