Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
