Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
