You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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