there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
