what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
