I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
