I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
