mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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