Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
