Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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