So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
