No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
