Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
