Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
