you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
