I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
