I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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