my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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