I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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