Will you blow on my dice?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Randomize
