college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
