is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
