Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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