I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
