Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
