hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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