cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
