Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
