plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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