so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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