i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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