I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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