So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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