I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
