i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Who died my cat blue again?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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