We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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