you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
