it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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