At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Sober January is a disaster.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
